Hello, fellow (and aspiring) walkers! This is the second
installment of our series dedicated to the joys of ambling outdoors. This time,
we’re walking and talking, taking a stroll with someone — a friend, a family
member, a neighbor, or a partner — to deepen our sense of connection.
اضافة اعلان
Some of my most rewarding conversations have happened while
on foot. The exchanges seemed to flow more easily, as if our steps were setting
the tempo for our speech.
There may be a simpler reason that walks draw people out:
Research shows that it can be less stressful to talk to someone when you’re
walking side by side, with minimal eye contact, than conversing face to face.
“When walking next to someone, a conversation becomes
parallel play,” with each person “looking ahead yet connected by the exchange,”
said Esther Perel, a couple’s therapist, author, and host of the podcast “Where
Should We Begin?”
To help you get the most out of your walking chats, I sought
advice from Perel and Priya Parker, the author of “The Art of Gathering: How We
Meet and Why It Matters.”
Consider a theme
Think about the sort of conversation you want beforehand,
Parker advised. If you’re feeling creative, you may even want to give it a
title, she said. Parker suggested four:
Wander Walk: Choose a neighborhood or park you’ve never
explored and “wander together and talk about things that don’t normally come up
in everyday life,” Parker said.
Memory Lane: On this walk, talk about important
memories that the other person may not know.
Struggle Stroll: You and your companion can take an
opportunity to share something you’ve been struggling with “and just listen to
one another, no advice, just deep listening,” Parker said.
Walk and Talk: No need to structure your chats; simply
meet for movement instead of sitting at a bar, restaurant or someone’s home.
“We walk and we talk, about anything and everything,” Parker said.
Or, better yet, prep a few prompts
Walking invites easy conversation because we’re often more relaxed
and open to tangents, Parker explained. “And it’s really hard to check your
phone incessantly when you’re on a walk with someone else,” she said. “You’ll
trip.”
There’s no pressure to come up with thought-provoking
questions — simply spending time together on a ramble, away from screens and
obligations, builds bonds.
But prompts can make a walk more fun. Perel, a master of
getting people to open up, offered a few reliable ones (some from the upcoming
version of her card game, “Where Should We Begin: A Game of Stories”) to
engage people in more thought-provoking discussions:
— What’s a promise you wish you hadn’t broken?
— The trip I took that changed my life was …
— The thing that’s keeping me up at night is …
— If my younger self could see me today, they would say …
— My most unexpected friendship is with …
One of Parker’s favorite ways to begin a dialogue is to ask:
“Have you ever had a nemesis? Why do you think they got so under your skin?”
“This often leads to passionate, quite hilarious conversation,”
Parker said, adding that “it’s slightly transgressive, slightly naughty.”
Embrace a conversation’s drift
When we’re walking with another person, Parker said, the
social norms around silence and talking tend to shift. “It’s OK to take a beat,
which is its own kind of intimacy,” she said. “Some of the best and most random
conversations often happen after long periods of silence.”
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