Eyes
gently closed, breaths slow and steady:
Meditation, at least when other people
are doing it, always looks so peaceful.
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But in our
chronically distracted, phone-addicted world, sitting still for 10 or 20
minutes is tough and often causes your brain to pinball between errant
thoughts. Meditation teachers say that you should recognize those impulses and
then come back to your breath or whatever you are focused on.
But what if you
cannot find your way back? What if you are just left frustrated?
“That feeling is
very common,” said Dan Harris, co-author of “Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics”
and founder of the mindfulness app Ten Percent Happier. But, he added,
“distraction in meditation is not proof of failure”.
Still, it can
feel discouraging in the moment, as if you have failed or somehow missed the
point. But the benefits of mindfulness can outweigh the frustrations; even
short bursts of meditation can help people become more focused, less anxious,
and less depressed, even those who have the most trouble focusing in daily
life.
“Mindfulness
helps people for a number of different reasons — including that it helps with
learning how to regulate attention,” said John Mitchell, an associate professor
at
Duke University and an expert in mindfulness and attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Much of the research
on distraction and meditation comes from ADHD experts like Mitchell who have,
over the past 15 years, shown that it can be especially beneficial for people
with attention disorders — despite the specific challenge that sitting still
represents. And the discoveries these experts have made can benefit everyone
who is looking for help in becoming a more skilled meditator.
But you have to
get started — and that can be the hardest part. We asked meditation teachers
and clinicians for advice on how to begin a practice — and stick with it.
Failure is actually
success
The first thing to know is that you are going to be distracted again and
again and again. That may lead to some negative views about your brain.
Everyone struggles with this at first, said David Austern, a clinical assistant
professor in the psychiatry department at NYU Grossman School of Medicine.
However, these feelings of being “bad” at meditation are often more acute for
people with attention issues.
There is no such
thing as being good or bad at meditation. That is just not the point. Every
time you get distracted, you start again, so noticing the distraction is
actually proof of success, says Jeff Warren, a meditation teacher who has ADHD
and is a co-author of “Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics.” “The most good-for-you
thing you can do is to notice where you’re at and accept who you are,” even if
that’s getting distracted every 10 seconds, he said. You are human, and you’re
allowed to be human. That’s the beauty of meditation. It’s about being human
and in this moment — no matter how distracted this moment is.
Another tool for
fighting back against mid-meditation feelings of failure is something experts
call “loving kindness meditation,” which can help you forgive yourself when
your mind wanders. It involves offering words of encouragement and kindness to
yourself and others as you meditate. “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I
be free of suffering — those are kind of the classic meditation phrases,” said
Dr Lidia Zylowska, an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at
the University of Minnesota and one of the first to study how meditation can
benefit those with ADHD.
You need not
meditate to be mindful
Mindfulness and meditation are related, but not the same, Mitchell said.
Mindfulness is the practice of being attentive and aware in any given moment.
It’s noticing when your brain starts replaying the obtuse thing you said in a
work meeting while you are supposed to be paying attention to your spouse
recounting his day — and then bringing your attention back to listening.
Mindful meditation is taking a set period of time to actively focus on being
present — often by focusing on your breath.
Zylowska
frequently starts her patients out with mindfulness exercises that they can do
without setting aside any additional time in their day. For example, you can
brush your teeth mindfully by spending those two minutes noticing the taste of
the toothpaste, the sensation of the brush on your gums or the brightness of
the light in your bathroom. Since you are (hopefully) already in the habit of
brushing your teeth, you’re more likely to do the exercise.
Consider
micro-meditations
Many meditation apps default to 10-, 15- or even 30-minute meditations.
That’s probably too long for beginners, especially those with trouble focusing,
Mitchell said.
Harris and Warren
have a motto they return to often with new meditators: “One minute counts.”
“Shame is a terrible motivator,” Harris said. If you’re trying to sit for 30
minutes because you feel that’s what you ought to be doing, you’re not going to
stick with your practice, he said, adding, “If you find it torturous, take a
smaller bite.”
Start with three
to five minutes and work up from there, Mitchell said. It’s a skill you have to
develop, and the more you do it, the better you’ll get.
Take your meditation
to go
“You don’t need to sit on the cushion to get the benefits of meditation,”
Warren said.
Incorporating
movement allows people to release energy, Mitchell said. “When people are
walking, they’re engaging their body,” which can enhance their ability to
focus.
Curiosity trumps
boredom
“It’s very normal to experience boredom during meditation,” no matter who
you are, Austern said. The human brain is wired for novelty. This makes beating
back the desire to check Twitter (just super quick — one little peek!) during
meditation even more difficult.
“One way to beat
boredom is to focus on being curious,” Austern said. To cultivate curiosity —
especially curiosity in your current moment — try to notice things you’ve never
noticed before. Are there bird calls you’ve never heard? How does your breath
feel as it moves through your nose hairs? Do you think those hairs wave like
trees in a breeze as you exhale? Sure, it’s weird, but those thoughts will keep
you in the moment.
Also, it’s worth
being curious about why, exactly, we want to check our phones during
meditation. There are generally two reasons, Austern said. One is that our
brains crave the dopamine boost of novelty. The other is that we may feel
anxiety about missing a crucial email. Take a moment to note what’s driving
your desire and then acknowledge the feeling and get back to being in the
moment.
Get help
Zylowska finds that many of her patients do not realize that it’s normal
— expected even — to struggle with meditation and mindfulness. Having access to
a mental health practitioner who is trained in mindfulness-based cognitive
behavioral therapy can keep you from feeling frustrated. So too can joining a
meditation group or pairing up with an accountability buddy. ADD.org lists
weekly, online meditation groups for those with similar journeys to find focus.
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