There is a popular meme from roughly the late Cretaceous period (pre-2020)
that goes: “Tired of looking at BAD SCREEN. Can’t wait to go home and look at
GOOD SCREEN.”
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The “bad screen,” in this case, is the work computer on which
one does dreary things like scheduling meetings, filling in spreadsheets, and
circling back on emails.
The “good screen” is the personal computer, on which one does
fun things like scheduling meetups (with friends, at bars, restaurants, or at
other people’s houses), filling in spreadsheets (for bachelorette party
logistics; potluck dinners), and circling back on emails (about bachelorette
party logistics; about how no one had signed up to bring a salad for the
potluck).
Also you can stream TV shows and stuff.
The point of the meme is that our work and personal lives often
do not look all that different. The corporate tools we use at work have crept
into our personal lives. Which is understandable, because while a corporation
may never be a family — no matter what any overenthusiastic HR rep may say —
one’s personal life can be a job in the sense that individuals have personal
goals they want to accomplish, mundane tasks that need completing and thinly
sourced gossip they want to share over coffee.
The tools used to accomplish these things are often the same in
both spheres, because keeping track of several different organizational systems
is too much to ask of creatures who, in the grand scheme of our planet’s
history, just recently learned to walk on two feet.
All of this makes sense, but it can also feel a little sterile
and unromantic, like a Valentine’s Day email from your dentist’s office. At
what point does professionalizing our personal lives leech them of any spirit
or spontaneity? When does a healthy level of organization go overboard? And how
can relationships built on mutual respect, trust and admiration recover from
someone sending an unsolicited Calendly link?
Scheduling funLast December, Kenzi Enright, a 29-year-old digital strategist from
Milwaukee, posted a picture to Twitter of her father’s agenda for his weekly
bar meetup with friends. Topics included: “World Cup" and “China and
Russia,” with time left for “General Discussion.” The post went viral, and
Enright went on to explain on Twitter that her father and his friends call
these get-togethers “board meetings,” and he texts the other “board members”
beforehand to see if they have any topics they would like to add to the agenda.
Laura Vanderkam, 44, a time management expert who lives outside
Philadelphia, argued that Enright’s planning “demonstrates a level of social
and emotional intelligence that a lot more social groups would benefit from.”
Too often, Vanderkam argued, people are not deliberate enough
about structuring their personal time. “There’s so many icky things in the
workplace,” she said. “But in general, people are trying to achieve things, and
so they are more intentional about their time at work.”
After long, packed work days, planning for one’s downtime may
not sound appealing. But as tempting as it may be to believe that our
unstructured free time will automatically be spent deepening our relationships,
recharging our batteries, or lolling about sun-dappled fields in languorous
indolence, Vanderkam says that’s generally not the case.
“What happens when people don’t treat their time with intention
is that they feel like it didn’t happen,” she said. “In a very distracted
world, you’re not going to automatically choose the most rejuvenating and
relaxing activity. You’re going to do whatever is in front of you.”
The myth of spontaneityWhen Jayne Drost Johnson, 39, started JDJ, a contemporary art
program with galleries in Garrison, New York, and the Manhattan neighborhood of
Tribeca in 2018, she wanted to find a way to grow her career while
recalibrating her work-life balance to have more time with her daughter. “I
thought, I don’t want to miss her growing up because I’m always stuck in the
gallery on Saturday.”
Enter: Google Calendar. Johnson’s recalibration has involved a heavy
reliance on them — for herself, for the galleries, for her family. “I try to
put everything on my calendar,” she said. “Sometimes it’s projects that are
work-related and sometimes it’s like, today’s the day to weed the garden.”
Corporate tools can also be useful in interpersonal
relationships, said Jessica Stern, a clinical psychologist at New York
University Langone Health. She suggests couples have monthly meetings to
discuss administrative matters like finances and communication styles.
The caveat, when using work tools to connect with friends and
loved ones, is to make sure friends and loved ones are not repulsed by them.
“You might find you’re the type of person who is very organized in terms of
sending Google invites, or Google Docs for planning a trip, or a karaoke
night,” Stern said. “Your friends might appreciate it, or your friends might
feel overwhelmed by that kind of thing.”
Brains are bad officesThe general scientific consensus is that our brain’s working
memory — a type of short-term memory that allows us to retain information while
focused on something else — can only hold about four items at once. That means
that relying solely on our brains to remember what’s important is a flawless
plan for up to two seconds, until you inevitably think of a fifth thing you
need to remember.
“Most people try to use their head as an office, but it’s a
lousy office,” said David Allen, a productivity consultant who created the
Getting Things Done work-life management system, using a more colorful term than
“lousy.” “Your head’s not for managing, reminding, prioritizing. You need to
externalize all that.”
But even if you are intentional about your free time, maintain a
perfect Google Calendar, never miss an email, and externalize every thought
that crosses your gray, wrinkly brain, the truth is that time is a finite
resource, and trying to accomplish every single thing both professionally and
personally is a Sisyphean task at which you will surely fail.
“You’ll find out you can do anything but not everything,” Allen
said. “So you just have to be comfortable with the choices you make about what
you do and what you’re not going to do.”
In other words, that is something one has to come to peace with,
maybe by scheduling time on the calendar for reflecting on the beauty and
futility of life.
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