Bonds that twins form as they move through life’s constant changes, from the early
years of infancy, childhood,
adolescence, and adult life, certainly have their
benefits.
اضافة اعلان
Due to proximity
since conception, twins usually learn many of the same habits, such as learning
to sleep through the noise, understanding that they need to wait their turn,
and generally exhibiting less separation anxiety because they have a constant
companion.
This built-in
friendship may comfort these twins, but sometimes many may lump them under one
umbrella. For parents, the distinction between the two is essential, which is
why they need to understand that each child has a unique personality, desires,
and temperament that requires different demands.
As parents, it
may be beneficial to view twins as independent from each other from the
beginning as it can help avoid certain issues, including unhealthy sibling
rivalry, down the road.
Twin studies
Twin studies have been carried out for well over a century — with the
first twin study being conducted in 1875 by Sir Frances Galton. The study
incorporated twins to determine the relationship between nature and nurture.
Researchers have long seen twins as a fascinating topic, especially in
psychology, due to their unique relationship providing valuable information
about genetic and environmental influences.
Findings from
twin studies have been essential to detecting and treating various diseases and
psychological disorders. In fact, twin studies are one of the main ways that
researchers try to answer for the inadequate understanding of genetic and
environmental factors’ role in personality and life satisfaction. And
information from twin studies can be used to develop better ways to prevent and
treat different disorders and maladaptive behaviors.
One study at the
University of Virginia looked at the heritability of IQ and how it is affected
by growing up in a low-income household. The study found that the IQs of
identical twins vary just as much as fraternal twins and that the impact of
growing up poor can overwhelm a child’s natural intellectual gifts.
I can imagine how hard it must be to be twins and have to share everything, but it is also not easy to be a parent and have to decide on who gets to go first. I understand you are annoyed with me, but I could use your patience now.
In 2001, a
Michigan State University Twin Registry was set up to study genetic and
environmental influences on various medical and psychiatric disorders. One of
its most surprising findings is that eating disorders, such as anorexia, have a
genetic component. Before such twin studies, eating disorders were entirely
attributed to the influence of culture, media, and social factors.
Facing the
challenges
Parenting twins does not come without its challenges, beyond the usual
support and discipline required for a single child or even siblings of
different ages. While there are the typical daily struggles faced by parents
who have twins, such as double the homework and the mess, there are significant
challenges that last for much longer and can harm each child unless dealt with
healthily.
Dividing time is
perhaps one of parents’ biggest challenges when raising twins. Often parents
might wonder if both their twins need the same thing at the same time, and
consequently, who gets their needs met first? This type of challenge might
always be present and develops as twins grow. It might be about who gets to
hold their parents’ hand in pre-school; in middle school, it could be about
parents dividing their time between activities, and in high school, it most
likely will be revolved around which one of your teenagers made the poorer
decision that parents have to deal with the consequences of.
When it comes
down to it, perhaps one of the most honest ways of dealing with the challenges
of dividing time is to respond with gentle realism. Twins might accuse parents
of favoring one over the other, to which the parent can respond with, “I can
imagine how hard it must be to be twins and have to share everything, but it is
also not easy to be a parent and have to decide on who gets to go first. I
understand you are annoyed with me, but I could use your patience now.”
On a more
long-term note, parents must let go of the idea of a perfect balance of making
sure each one of their twins is getting equal amounts of attention at all
times. Parents must trust themselves to study each situation, provide the fair
amount of support needed, and avoid burning themselves out by trying to keep
track of everything they do for them.
Helping both
children embrace their individuality while simultaneously nurturing their
special bond is another challenge that most parents of twins face. The
challenge is mainly in knowing what a healthy balance is.
When should parents
remind twins to embrace their uniqueness, and when do they encourage them to be
the same?
One of the main
solutions can often come from outward appearances. Something as simple as
allowing twins to choose their own outfits and hairstyles can set a precedent
for making them feel like their different choices are equally respected by
their parents. This can later turn into encouraging them to participate in
different extracurricular activities and, if possible, even look into going to
separate universities.
It is also
important that each twin has their own circle of friends. Parents should not
expect twins to go to the same school and get along with the same people.
Parents need to ensure that twins do not always share the same classes and that
they both get to invite their own group of friends over and spend time with
them without the other twin there. Parents can use that time to spend quality
time with the other twin.
actually, they both have their shy and outgoing moments
More
importantly, beyond style and hobbies, it is important for parents to understand
and encourage their twins to have different approaches to their problems. For
example, twin A might be the one to verbally vent to a parent after a tough
day, while twin B will refuse to say a word, but will snuggle close to a parent
instead.
Competition is
one of the biggest issues faced when raising twins and one of the hardest
issues to fix. Even if parents try their hardest not to compare their twins to
each other, they will still get it from other family, friends, teachers, and
even strangers. Whether one gets better grades, is more athletic, or social,
competition will be the enemy of a close twin bond. It will be difficult for
twins not to internalize the constant comparisons made by others or themselves.
If twins are not identical, parents need to pay close attention to comments
that may be made comparing their appearances and take swift action to ensure
that it does not negatively affect their self-esteem.
While it might be impossible to eradicate any
competition or comparisons being made completely, certain steps can be taken to
help alleviate some of the tension. For example, parents verbalizing the
different interests of each twin, while avoiding basing it on actual talent or
skill can help ensure that they are not hearing unintentional comparisons being
made by parents.
It is important
to note that even tone matters when statements about accomplishments are made.
If a parent sounds more excited talking about one twin’s academic talent while
seeming neutral about the other’s talent for art, they will most certainly
notice. Reframing comments they hear from others in front of them is
beneficial. If someone points out that one of them is super outgoing while the
other is very shy, parents can respond by saying, “actually, they both have
their shy and outgoing moments”.
Parenting twins is, in
no doubt, both a challenge and a source of joy for parents. Knowing that their
child will forever have a companion certainly brings a great deal of comfort
for many parents of twins. Through education, preparation, and focus on
embracing individuality while promoting the same values in both twins, parents
can help ensure an easier time on the long road ahead.
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